Monday, February 17, 2014

Don't Kill My Buzz

One of the hardest things for a coach to manage or work around is when the biggest obstacle to a client's success is their "support system".  Unfortunately, it is an all-too common occurrence where the very individual that you turn to for encouragement, motivation, accountability and inspiration - is the same one that holds you back.  It might be your spouse, best friend or sibling - but often their fear of failure or lack of confidence means that instead of helping you succeed, they instead choose to passive-aggressively manipulate or control your actions to prevent you from improving where they can't.  I still remember the first time I dealt with this as a coach, way back when I first started in the industry 12 years ago - he was really trying hard, eating healthy lunches at work and training 4-5x a week, but would go home and his wife continued to feed him crap food.  She'd complain that she didn't want to eat what he was eating, and she'd complain if he didn't eat the food she'd "worked so hard to prepare".  After 6 months, he was no closer to his number one goal (weight loss) than when he'd started.

There are three ways this can turn out.  If you are not a strong enough personality to get by this, then you'll wind up on the hamster wheel with the other person... getting two steps forward, then falling two steps back. 

The second way it can go is that you stand up to the person - they can make the choices they make for themselves, but you are not going to let their baggage hold you back any more.  They can join you on the journey to success, or they can keep doing what they've always done and you'll leave them behind.

The best result would be that you stand up to them, and it elicits change - they realize that they are holding both you AND themselves back, and instead of fearing and avoiding the challenge, they join you in tackling it - and together you become that much stronger.

Sadly, the first scenario is the most common, but here's hoping somewhere, someone reading this will change their approach as a result of it.  Look at your journey into health and wellness - are you being held back by your support network?  Or are you the one holding someone else back?

Stop fearing change.  Take control, and direct the change you want to see.


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